The First Avenger - Trailer

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JerVrbLldXw&feature=feedlik

I'm not really a fan of Marvel Comics, I much prefer DC, but I will say their movies freaking rock, and I never thought I'd say I was looking forward to seeing a Captain America movie.

Sequel Needed: The Day The Earth Stood Still (Remake)

So here I am thinking about a movie I watched months ago, wondering if anyone else got the ending... I decided then and there I was going to make this post, you see the remake of the classic Sci-Fi movie The Day the Earth Stood Still was not only crap it had one of the stupidest endings ever, if you look at it from a "what would really happen after this" point of view.

I'm thinking of making this a series of posts called "Sequel Needed", anyway on with the show.

You see Expressionless Man (Keanu Reeves) comes to Earth to talk over what we are doing to our planet, something about there only being so many life supporting worlds out there and watching us kill one is kind of a downer, so he shows up, the yanks being yanks shoot him, hold him against his will, and refuse to allow him to speak to the UN (though what he thinks the UN can do is anyone's guess, it's a toothless tiger).

Anyway skipping over the stupid, the movie ends with him being convinced by a young black kid and his white step mother to spare the human race, you see he was going to kills us all with a swarm of nano-machines or some shit, only he changes his mind and instead stops all our current technology from working... that's right boys and girls, no cars, no planes, no power stations, no Ipods, even fucking wrist watches stop working...

And this is him showing mercy I'd hate to be on his bad side... I'd personally rather of being obliterated by WMD in one step rather then deal with the fall out of his "mercy". No I'm not showing my geeky roots, I'm not talking about life without internet... I'm talking about starving to fucking death.

Let's check the death tool from his "mercy", first off no power, okay everyone on life support in hospitals everywhere just died, mothers, brothers, sisters, fathers, old people, new born babies, just died. Millions dead. Everyone in an aeroplane, dead. Millions dead in car accidents, dead, dead.

Now we get to the real fun, no cars/planes/boats? How are we going to harvest our food and then transport it? Oh what? we can't? That's BILLIONS dead over the next few months, in one of the worst ways imaginable. Yea look up what a horrible way that is to go, and this is him showing fucking mercy? Jesus.

At a guess I'd say something like 90% of the Human Race would be dead within a year of the end of that movie, maybe more given what happens when you put a ton of dead bodies in one spot (pandemic time!), and then guess what? The survivors are going to be pissed the fuck off, this is where the sequel is needed, let's call it The Day The Earth Stood Still: Humanity's Revenge.

Knowing that there is alien life out there and they royally fucked us over would do what thousands of years of war, kings, queens, emperors, prime-ministers, fuhrers, and presidents have failed to do, unite humanity in a common cause, getting revenge.

As a race we're not a nice group of people, I personally think if Aliens ever show up above our planet they'll take one look at the shit we're capable of and run like hell.

I could see our race spending centuries rebuilding, making technology that works around whatever this dick did, building interstellar vessels, weapons of incredible destruction, and breeding, all the while teaching our children to hate this guy, and then one day, we'd go to war. And that's where I want the movie to be based, us fucking up this "Federation of Races" that decided it was allowed to murder our people.

The remake makes the following assumptions, technology is evil, we'd be better off living in caves, and people as a group are capable of forgiveness... err big fucking no on both counts. We do need to treat our planet better, but Christ, the death of billions is not a fucking a fucking answer. Fucking Hollywood bullshit.

Daybreakers

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ayYiMygqlfo

mmmmmmmmmmm now this is a vampire a movie, no fucking sparkles in sight, just blood, death, sex, and gore! Vampires are back baby!

Oh and "We're the folks with the crossbows" is a fucking awesome line. Die Twilight, Long Live True Vampires!

Iron Man 2

http://www.firstshowing.net/2009/12/17/must-watch-first-official-trailer-for-jon-favreaus-iron-man-2/

I think I need to change my pants...

When Eyecandy is too much

So I was bored out of my mind last night and was re-watching some old stuff I had laying around, and I got to thinking about some of the "eye-candy" we see in popular media.

I'm talking about the Seven of Nines, or the babes in chain-mail bikinis in video games, and why they annoy the holy shit out of me.

Don't get me wrong, hot is hot, and I'm a fan of a hot chick as much as the next guy, but having a hot chick dressed in almost nothing just to have a hot chick dressed in almost nothing is ... dum da da da! immersion breaking.

One thing that always got me was for example Troy on Star Trek TNG, she's a Commander on the federation flag ship... walking around in a skin tight body suit... Yea I know that in Trek Starfleet isn't really a military organisation, however, Uniforms serve several purposes, and there is a reason beyond the military utility as to why they exist.

They espouse uniformity (hence uniforms), a sense of belonging to something larger then yourself, they encourage a group or unit identity, be that a charity group like the Salvation Army, or the real Army. By being out of uniform she sends the implicit message that she isn't part of the group, that she is somehow above the group, not something you'd think a shrink would want to do.

It's just as bad, if not worse, in video games, take for example the ever present chain-mail bikinis you see in every fantasy game, they offer no protection, use it's a game, yes it's fantasy set in a world of magic and elfs and unicorns, but ffs that just means we're already working hard to keep our heads in the game, no need to needlessly break immersion just to have some T&A around.

As I said earlier, I'm not very PC, so I don't really care about any of the "it's offensive to women" bullshit (when those coke ads with the shirtless guy gets pulled off TV then they can talk, until then STFU) that gets thrown around, I'm against it on a more practice ground, it doesn't suit the story, if you've got a hooker in the game, by all means have her in next to nothing, but some tough warrior lugging around a sword bigger then my leg, she knows better.

Oh and what's up with the boobs on aliens, you've got reptiles with fucking tits... Jesus. You know what purpose breaths serve right? the feeding of young, the only reason men have them is we're a genetic modification of the female form, that's it, sure we may like to look at them, but the only real reason we have them is to feed kids. Reptiles don't do it that way, birds don't do it that way, or fish, or anything other then mammals (hence why breasts are called mammary glands).

So when I see a sci-fi series with a hot chick painted green with scales with huge freaking knockers I just want to go "ugg...". If they evolved from reptiles chances are they'd feed their young via other means, if they don't just go out and eat someone else's kids a few hours after hatching.... yea that hot reptile chick wont have the same parts as you either, sorry to say.

Okay now I'm just ranting... where was I...

Oh yea, I really wish more shows would have women dressed similarly to how they would dress in a real world situational analogue. It doesn't mean dress them in a burlap sack, after all a woman can be hot in conventional clothing or uniforms, after all if all we wanted to see was titties we've got the internet for that, it's the allure of what's under the clothes that gets us, show a little make us think about the rest.

Anyway I find chicks in uniforms mega hot.

Actors runing movies ... that they've already done

So I was thinking last night, am I the only one who can't watch movies that use to be favourites of mine because of the giant dicks the stars in them have turned into?

I mean, I use to love movies like Top Gun and Days of Thunder, good popcorn stuff, but the second Tom "Thetans" Cruise walks on screen I groan and want to turn the movie off.

I mean seriously the guy is a giant dick these days, and he's not the only one, Sly Stallone's stuff has been ruined for me, since he's turned into a creepy old man.

Have douchbag actors ruined your classic movie collection?

About the only actor that I detest that I can still watch is The Goveninator, yep, sure he became can a politician (I hate them all, doesn't matter which side they are on), that's one step below "puppy killing halocaust denying jay walker" on the douchbag scale.

I guess it says something about his movies, or it could be that if you sat through Twins, Kindergarten Cop, and Junior and still enjoyed the gore ridden early action stuff before he started "acting" you can put up with anything short of trying to personally kill you and molest your pets.

So any you'd care to share?

PSA: Don't Masturbate in Public

So I'm not talking about the actual act of masturbation, you know the thing everyone does, I'm talking about the act of mental masturbation, you know what I mean, the wanker going on about his latest project, that's basically public masturbation.

Here's why I'm sick of it, I was reading reviews about the movie Inglorious Bastards, pretty good movie apart from the fact like all Tarantino movies it's basically a feature length jerk off fest about other movies he considers classic.

It's just limited to the man whose name is really hard to spell either, it comes in many forms, just as the Twilight novels which are another form of masturbation material, only rather then keeping it private like normal decent people, it was published.

Oh and then there are games like the 50 cent (and who the fuck names rappers?) Blood on the Sands games, but don't even get me started on them.

Now that I think about it, lumping Tarantino in with "Fiffy" and the Sparklepire is pretty fucking harsh, so Tarantino I'm sorry man, really, you at least have talent, just keep it in your pants, now back to the topic at hand.

Every review I'd read about Inglorious Bastards goes on about the references and nods to other films, but none of them see it as a bad thing, why the fuck not?

It's not part of the narrative, it detracts from the story, personally I don't give a shit about film history, I don't hate it, or people who care it, I'm interested in a lot of weird shit other people don't get (such as spending three hours reading up on Damascus steel based on a throw away line in a trashy war novel), but when you're making something for mass consumption keep the fan-boy geekyness toned the fuck down.

I'm not saying dumb down the product, but few people will even notice the little "wink wink nudge nudge" jokes in there, and those that aren't fan-boys themselves will just get pissed off, the same way we do when someone mentions the cake is a lie in a non sarcastic manner.

And that's that for my sleep deprived rant of the day.

G.I. Joe - The Rise of Cobra

Want to hear a shocker? I actually enjoyed this movie, I went expecting another movie to rape my childhood memories... just like Transformers... however...

It's actually good!

Sure some of the plot is a bit twisted, the CGI is about normal for a big Hollywood movie, but god-damn, it's actually a fun movie.

Some of the actors phoned it in, but some were just dynamite, like Chris Eccleston who is plain awesome in anything he does.

It doesn't pretend to be anything other then it is, a movie for geeks, action fans, and kids, that's it.

One thing I don't like however is Scarlet having no Southern accent... *cry*

Other then that I'm looking forward to the next movie, I expect they'll make one now.

Transformers 2: Humans are Boring

Okay let me just say there were parts of the new transformers movie that I loved with a passion, and there were parts that I wanted to carve my eyes out over.

<--- is one of the bits I loved, especially when its on a huge ass screen.

But other then Megan Fox hawting it up, most of the bits with the humans were plain fucking dull. I'll try to keep the spoilers down, but there will be a few.

The movie could of been a lot better had they cut maybe 30-40mins out of it, frankly cut every screen with the parents from the first movie out and it would of been a much better movie, they served no purpose and were plain fucking annoying, the pot brownie bit especially.

And what the fuck was up with the new Autobots? The twins? GRRRRRRRRR Jar-Jar Binks is at risk of loosing his spot as the most annoying CGI character of all time. Christ.

Now don't get me wrong, I did like some of the humans, the soldiers made my day, just as they did in the first movie, one of the things I didn't like about the old show was that the only humans doing anything were an old dude and his kid, at least in this series humans are fighting along side the Autobots!

All in all the movie was too long and could of been made much better with more focus on the Transformers... you know the title characters... They set up some cool stuff with Arcee in the opening but she got one fucking line in the entire movie... There were times in the movie where they had me interested and I sat forward expecting some plot information about the big ass robots from space... only to have the screen flash to some dumb ass human bit and never be picked up again.

Well worth going to see, but do yourself a favour, if you like me have a bum leg and have a hard time sitting for 3 hours, wait for it to come out on DVD and watch it at home.

Its Offical, Dan Brown Movies Suck

So the other night I gave into a friend and watched Angels and Demons...

He claimed "Its not as bad as the Devinci Code, its good!"... Its not good... Its just not as totally horrible as the Devinci Code, at least they don't attempt to make the "history" in it out as anything but pure bullshit...

Now onto the real bullshit, w-t-f is up with the plot and travel times? I can't make it across town in 10mins and I live in a town of 20,000, let alone a major city of millions.

And then their is the anti-matter bullshit, I can buy the "containment" system, but the ugg... I can't even be bothered, just go to CERN FAQ on why the movie and book are full of crap.

I'm a sci-fi fan, and I can totally get behind screwing with science in order to make a story work, so long as you don't fall into the Star Trek trap of "invert the technobable and save the day", but come-on, some effort would be nice people.

Anti-Matter is produced in ATOMS, meaning really really small shit, the amount they had in the movies would take BILLIONS of years to produce at the current rate, and even then using it as a bomb makes less sense then... oh I don't know a nuke. They are a hell of a lot cheaper, but I'll give it to them as a plot device, as anti-matter is a lot more cutting edge then nuclear weapons.

If they wanted to make something up, they could of used some real science, not just some pop presudo science that everyone seems to be into these days.

For the love of god, its SCIENCE FICTION, but that doesn't mean you can throw out the laws of physics without a reasonable explanation

Also, Tom Hanks needs to find better rolls, the guy is an awesome actor who is wasting himself on this shit.

/rant off

We're Suppose to Hate Kirk!

So I've been talking with people about the new Star Trek movie and apart from a few people who scare me, and I'm a life long trekie, with their obsession and personal hygiene, most agree its an awesome fun ride, the type that hasn't been seen since Star Trek: First Contact.

However, most everyone detests the new Kirk, they are forgetting that pretty much everyone hated the old Kirk too, not just Shatner either, but the character. He is and always was a douche bag, but as assholes go, he's not as bad as Archer or Janeway.

We loved the show, we loved the characters, but we always hated Kirk, the guys a jerk, a man whore, and just all around egotist, no matter who plays him.

I just hope they go in a new direction with this series of movies rather then rehashing what was done before, ST2 and ST4 were good movies, but they've been done, we don't need them done again, please, write something new and interesting... oh and please hawt Vulcan/Comm Officer sex in the next movie.